it's the first full week of the quarter

i'm glad i'm not the only one feeling this way.

the end of my book

it’s like reading a book and getting to the last chapter. and you want to keep reading because you want to know what’s going to happen in the story. But then, at the same time, you hate to read more, you loathe to read more. because each word that you read, each page that you turn, brings you that much closer to the end of the story, to the end of the life and the world that you loved so dearly, a good-bye to the friends and lovers you’ve come to know so well. it is in the last chapter that we savour every clever metaphor, every beautiful description because we know that soon it will all come to an end, soon we will be thrust back into the real world.


here's to hoping this book will have a sequel.

eerie is spelled with two e's

today i was the first person in the library.

the doors were open. the lights were off.

no one else was in there. it was a little bit eerie.

i'd say i've reached a new level of desperation in my life.

girl time

nothing like a little time at the spa before valentines day to make a girl feel special :)

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rebirth

today is my 7th spiritual birthday.
seven. years. how did that happen? how did that happen?
i got to thinking, like i usually do...
how did i get here? i feel like the circumstances i find myself in, especially of late, have not been by my choice, but by things that are out of my control that have happened to me. but this is so contradictory to what i've been taught. all my life, i've heard that you are where you are because of the choices that you've made.
what choices did i make to get here? am i just reacting to the things that come up in my life, passively finding ways to make myself as comfortable as possible within the realm of events that happen from moment to moment? or are these events occurring because of decisions i've made and who i am?
my grandmother once told me: "you are where you are because of who you are"
but i don't feel like where i am is reflective of who i am at the moment. (and this is about to get real deep).
who the hell am i?
after seven years of being a christian, i don't feel any wiser, any more distinguished, any more mature or sure-footed. in fact, i feel less sure-footed. i feel like i have more scars that need to be healed, more hopes that i'm waiting to see come to fruition, more questions about who god is, and who i am in god, and more unanswered prayers that remain giant question marks in my mind as i wonder how god is going to fulfill his promise in that request. i am less surrendered to his will, more aware of my own weaknesses and deficiencies, more discouraged, less optimistic and idealistic; i have more burdens and baggage than ever. and i have to ask: why?


my theme scripture for this quarter has been from psalm 30:11-12. it reads:
you turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. LORD, my god, i will praise you forever.


is this it? the more self-aware i become, the more i mess up, the more i realize how messed up i am, the more reason i have to dance and sing and be joyful to god? that no matter how or where my wailing comes from, whether by my own doing or things done to me, god can turn it into dancing and joy?
and in doing so i find a second chance. a new hope. rebirth.


that must be it.

my own creation.

i made my first vegan creation:
banana
apple
blueberries
carrot
persian cucumber
red pepper
basil
cayenne pepper
cinnamon

so so delicious

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a royal weekend thus far.

so, last night, me and some of the girls went to one of our favorite spots, royal, on university way. we slid into an open booth (rare), wiped off the spilled beer, and started looking at the menu. slowly but surely this guy came up to our table to try to talk to us. this is how (let's call her gwyneth) handled it:

guy: what are you ladies drinking tonight?
gwyneth: oh we're not sure yet, but this is just going to be a ladies night tonight.
guy: what? what do you mean?
gwyneth: oh you know, just a ladies night. we all just broke up with our boyfriends, so we're out celebrating.
guy: wait wait wait... you ALL just broke up with your boyfriends?
gwyneth: i mean, no no no no, we're just having a girls night. i don't want you to waste your time.
guy: waaaaaiiiittt... you thought i was hitting on you?! nooo i was just asking what you were drinking. i'm going around to all the tables asking what people are drinking. psh i'm sorry if i wasted your time.
gwyneth: it's not about wasting our time, i just don't want you to waste yours.
guy: what, no, well, i'm sorry if i wasted your time (in a very sarcastic tone)

guy walks away and then decides to come back in forty-five minutes to give us all a high-five, which we all did, reluctantly.

who high-fives in a bar anyway?!

we had so much fun despite this awkward interruption, and woke up to watch the royal tenenbaums, (an outstanding movie, i might add). all in all, a royal weekend.